


Motherhood

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-11-05 03:07:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: By Ares' ChosenBased on the finale of the 5th season. Slight subtext but its based on a Xena ep (still X/A though).





	Motherhood

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I do not and never will (drat!) own any of the characters from X:WP or HTLJ. I’m not making any money from this yadda, yadda, yadda and I never will so don’t even bother suing me. If you want to use this story on your page just write and ask me! I most likely will say yes! Now onto the story. Oh yeah, this story has a tiny bit of low coarse language, no sex and no subtext (I don’t think so, actually it’s the same amount as in the show. But definitely Xena/Ares). Now onto the story!!! This is a parody of the episode MOTHERHOOD 
> 
> SPOILERS: MOTHERHOOD (DUH!)

SCENE 1   
Xena and Gabrielle are standing on top of a sand dune looking down while watching Eve walk across the desert. "Xena can we go now, this is doing nothing for my complexion and I’m getting sand in my eyes and I feel all hot and groggy…please!"   
  
Xena looked at her companion and sighed ‘ _I’m telling you she’s getting more like Aphrodite everyday. Reminder: no more slumber parties for her at Aphrodite’s temple_ ’.   
  
"Mum!" yelled Eve from across the desert.   
  
"Yeah sweetie! What is it?"   
  
"Xena, I’M the only one who you can call SWEETIE" said a very agitated Gabrielle.   
  
"Sorry Gabrielle, Eve what do you want NOW, first it was Ar…" Xena again yelled across the desert.   
  
"Does Gabrielle have any vitamin E cream, because my skin is starting to chafe and it’ll g…get dam…damaged and then I won’t get the good-looking guys like Ar…well good-looking guys anymore they’ll end up being all the geeks and losers!"   
  
Gabrielle snickers "Like Ares he’s a loser and a geek. Hey Xe, you get the best of both worlds. Geek and loser, ha!"   
  
Xena looked at them both in frustration "You’re skin is meant to chafe you’re in the desert, besides its not as if you would want ARES NOW IS IT?!?!? O.K I admit he’s cute, he’s a great kisser, he’s got those big brown eyes and leather and…oh…um, hi Gabrielle…sorry, hey don’t look at me like that. Hang on… isn’t there meant to be a script around here somewhere... guys …?"   
  
Both Eve and Gabrielle look guilty. Xena looks at Gabrielle "Give me the script"   
  
"Fine". Gabrielle retrieves the script from her cleavage   
  
"Uh! Gabrielle you start!" Xena pointed out.   
  
"Fine…where are we. O.Kay. Xena I don’t know if I want to help her or… She killed Joxer!" Gabrielle looks at Xena "but Xena, that’s a good thing though wasn’t it, because he always interrupted…"   
  
"Mother"   
  
"Hang on Gabrielle, yes Eve?"   
  
"Could you throw your chakram…theres two spears coming my way, but I’m not meant to know that… actually they don’t come till the Gods have their little meeting. But I’m not meant to know that. For its YOUR show! Even though I’m your daughter and have all the skills you have. I’m meant to be dumb like Gabrielle!"   
  
Xena smirked "True! But do I have to throw the chakram because I just cleaned it and its really shiny and pretty. ‘ _Just like Ares_ ’ Hi Gabrielle how are you…oh dear… so um …when’s solstice coming? Don’t gimme that look! Its true you are dumb…I mean that in a nice way."   
  
"Mum, the chakram" Eve yelled.   
  
"Fine! Here you go, if it gets a scratch your shiskabab. Got it!"   
  
SCENE 2  
"Hey back off! Can’t you see that while I’m the heir of Olympus Athena has taken the throne and is pushing you around like piss-ants!" Ares yelled at the other gods.   
  
"Huh?" was all the reply he got.   
  
"Oh by the way" Ares said "LiviaisEveandshe’saliveandshesgoingtobringaroundthetwilightifyouinterfere. Youareallgoingtodie Duh!" he said in a very hushed tone.   
  
"What?" yelled Artemis, Discord and Hades.   
  
"Nothing, ciao, by the way Athena. The Furies… it won’t work. You can come out from behind the pillar now" With that the God of War disappeared.   
  
_Damn!_ Thought Athena _he ruined my big entrance!_   
  
Athena walked in "Fellow Olympians, Ares has buggered off and has left the building. I myself am pretty pleased that has happened. He won’t be missed. I think he’s still looking for his man hood back in Amphipolis. He always embarrasses himself although he may not know it. And since I’m the Goddess of Wisdom and Warfare I don’t get embarrassed. Anyway I feel its my duty to tell you that we will all die fighting Xena, except Aphrodite. If anyone has any particular ways of dying for instance on fire or something. Or they want a particular type of coffin. Just ask Salmoneus. Oh now for the plan. FURIES"   
  
The Furies looked over Athena’s outfit. "Nice gold. Last time we worked for the Gods was with Ares and he was so much fun. Will you dress up in this for us…Ares did…we only help the gods after they do this for us" The Furies handed Athena a little bunny headband and a fluffy tail complete with bikini bottoms. Then they gave her two other fuzzy white balls to put on her (well you can guess can’t ya).   
  
Athena looked at the outfit then chortled "Ares…he wore a bikini?" Athena laughed.   
  
The Furie that did all the talking looked at her and said "No, he wore jocks and he didn’t need the other two fluffy bits! Ha-Ha Plus he looked mighty good"   
  
Athena looked at the costume and asked wearily "Do I have to?" The Furies nodded. _Damn Xena and Ares! This is so embarrassing_ Athena thought. As she took the costume to get changed into.   
  
Athena walked back in the room after having changed into the bunny costume, head hung in defeat. Aphrodite walked over and spoke to the Goddess of the 3 W’s "Ya know Athena, the bunny look become you!" Aphrodite couldn’t get another word out before she and all the other assembled Olympians started laughing.   
  
"O.K. Furies, you’ve had your fun. I played your little dress up game now can you go and tell Gabrielle that Eve has a secret stash of Vitamin E cream and that Xena kissed Ares a week ago! That Oughta do the trick!" Athena said.   
  
"Kay, lets go" With that the Furies disappeared.   
  
SCENE 3  
Xena threw her chakram which hit the two spears on their way towards Eve. Xena looked at her arm and counted to five, an army then appeared over on the other sand dune. _Good timing!_ She thought. She looked to her left and saw a familiar cook. "Falafel" she called "How about you treat those soldiers to some of your fantastic food!"   
  
All the soldiers ran over to where is was and started eating his food, within minutes they were all throwing up. Xena and Gabrielle ran over to Eve. Concern showed in Xena’s face “You alright?”   
  
“Yup, thanx”   
  


To Be Continued


End file.
